I Kissed Dating Goodbye
Joshua Harris’ influential (and controversial) book on marriage and relationships. Agree with him, or not, it is bound to get you thinking about the concept of Christian dating.
Beyond Worth The Wait
As I prayed about what to minister to the girls at the final meeting of the purity class, my own disappointment with relationships kept getting in the way. I stared at the blank computer screen, trying to prepare a final exhortation on purity. But all I could think was, “God, why have You forgotten me? Where is the fairytale love story promised by all the purity books I used to read?” I wanted so much to proclaim to the girls on this final meeting that if they would commit their love life to God, He promises to write them a beautiful story – a better one than they could write for themselves. I wanted to assure them that saving themselves for marriage would be worth it and that by doing so, they would avoid so much heartache. “Heartache. Avoid heartache?” I thought. “God, by waiting, it would seem that I have only experienced heartache!” I didn’t want to sugarcoat purity to these girls by promising them joy, when most of the time, the cost of purity brought pain. It would seem that by doing everything “right,” saving sex for marriage, spending my single years for the Lord and passing different tests, I only reaped sorrow – not the joy promised in all the relationship books. I felt cheated, by everyone who ever told me that dreams come true, and especially by God.
I remembered back when I first made the commitment to purity. It was my 13th birthday, and my Dad had taken me to our favorite Mexican restaurant. At the close of the meal, he presented me with a purity ring with the words engraved on it, “True Love Waits.” He explained what the ring signified: a commitment to saving my heart and body for the man God was preparing for me. Dad asked me if I would give him my heart, until the day he would give me away to another man. Looking back at my diary from that special evening, I “felt like a princess.” I was so excited that one day I was going to give a wonderful gift to my husband. And in return for my commitment to chastity, God would shower me with His blessings! A godly, romantic courtship with the man of my dreams, a beautiful wedding, a bunch of cute kids – the whole package. No doubt about it, the commitment to purity would have major benefits, and even at 13, I wanted in on it!
But as I soon discovered, even the best of good intentions only goes so far when faced with temptation. At 14, I found myself doubting if waiting was even possible. The cost that comes with following Jesus was beginning to come at too high a price, and I wasn’t sure I was willing to pay up. Living for Jesus would mean I would have to leave the world and all its “fun” behind. I would think,“Can’t I just get the benefits of living for God, without actually sacrificing my life to Him?” I had made a commitment to purity, without making a commitment to God. As a result, my excitement and resolve soon began to crumble.
It wasn’t until I was 15 that I came face to face with an ultimatum given by God. “Choose Me, or choose the world. But you cannot have both.” I had started to experience what a mess I was capable of making of my life, when God wasn’t in control. In my living room with my Dad, I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. I was willing to pay the price and live for Him. I now understood why my commitment to purity had been so difficult – rather, impossible; I was missing the secret ingredient: a relationship with Jesus!
Now I was truly excited to be His set-apart woman. I began to grow spiritually and gravitated towards godly books on purity and marriage. By reading such books with happy testimonies of beautiful courtships and marriages, I was convinced that I, too would be the recipient of the same type of fairytale.
Fast forward seven years. I have come close to my dreams coming true not once, but twice. And both times, God closed the door and continued to say, “Wait.”
I wonder, how many Christian woman are out there, who have heard the same thing? After doing everything “God’s way” by waiting, not settling, serving Him with their singleness, how many are still waiting for their dreams of love to come true? They say, “Lord, I’ve served You with my life, now where is the payday promised?”
As I cried out to Him for a word for the girls, it hit me: God doesn’t “owe” me anything. When you gave your life to Jesus, did you do it to get blessings He would give? Or did you do it simply because He is worthy? Have you been serving Him for what you can get from Him, or for what your life can bring Him?
What is our purpose for serving Jesus Christ? Why do we love and obey Him? If it is because He is worthy, then He owes nothing and we owe Him everything. If He never gives one single earthly blessing, will we still love Him, serve Him, trust Him, obey Him?
So many of us confuse what serving God means. Surrender entails suffering, according to Jesus in Matthew 19. There is a cost. Anyone who thinks life in God is a fairytale, does not understand what it is to truly follow Him. Jesus lived no fairytale! He lived to die. He was a man acquainted with grief and sorrow. He endured great suffering, persecutions, slander, mockery, humiliation, false accusations, and all things contrary to the honor He so rightly deserved. And if we are to be His disciple, expect to experience a portion of what He went through.
Is it because He is a harsh God who only wants to make life miserable for us? No, it is because He wants above all else, our life to bring Him glory. God so lovingly knows that in the pain, He becomes real to His people. In the valleys, He becomes close. In the refining pot, we become gold. This is more important to Him, (and should be more important to us,) than getting what we want yet failing to gain the riches He has for us. These riches so often come only through suffering. Ask any mother who has been through travailing pain to bring forth her baby. Though the long hours of labor are anguishing, the product of her suffering brings only joy. And she could not have the joy of her precious child without enduring the pain first. (John 16:21)
Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Hebrews 12:11)
There will come a point in your life (if it hasn’t come already) when God will ask you to count the cost in following Him. Maybe you’ve realized through reading this that you have been serving Him for the wrong reasons. When you gave your love story to the Lord, perhaps you didn’t realize how difficult it would be, or what it would cost you. Maybe, like me, you’ve not experienced (yet) the fairytale type of story, even though you have done everything “right.” Others are getting what you have waited and longed to have, and you’re feeling that God has somehow forgotten about you. Know that He hasn’t! He loves you enough to allow you to enter into His rest. Take this season to draw near to Him in the fellowship of His sufferings, knowing that He longs to deepen not only your knowledge of Him, but your testimony to others.
As I spoke to the girls one final time with all of this on my heart, I posed the question, “Why are you making a commitment to purity?” Is it for a good life? A perfect guy? A fairytale love story? If so, then you’re not making the commitment for the right reasons and you’ll find yourself disappointed when life isn’t always a fairytale. Do not wait for the blessings of God, without waiting just to simply bless God.
Take courage! He alone will turn even the darkest, loneliest seasons into the most precious, fruitful times of your life. Expect God to do far beyond all that you could ask or think, when your purpose for living goes beyond what He will do for you.
The Master’s Peace
By Bethany Beck
My heart made a choice today, Lord,
As it wept over all that’s unknown.
It wanted to kick against the pricks,
It wanted its thorns to leave it alone.
It spoke through great teardrops for mercies anew,
In that deep, secret place which You only view:
“I wish to know the reason, I want to know ‘How long?’
My lips don’t feel like singing, but,
Be, O Lord, my Song.
I ache to be free from what binds me, to live without this pain, but,
Be, O Lord, my Rainbow, even in this rain.
I want to sulk in sorrow, to spurn what is so hard, but,
Be, O Lord, my Joy, however dealt my cards.”
You hear my heart’s desires, You know for what I yearn.
But, Lord, I choose to yield this, to listen and to learn.”
And when my heart unloaded, comfort soothed each part,
Because I heard Him whisper, You are My work of art.
And somehow when He said this, I knew I’d be alright,
For as I fresh surrendered, my burden became light.
“Then take this empty shell, my Lord. Create Your work of art.
I fear not what could shatter me, when You hold tight my heart.
My life is safe within Your grip, my world rests in Your hands.
If I could see Your thoughts towards me, they’re endless as the sands.
No fond desires must be met, or hoped for dreams come true.
I’ll gladly do without all else, if all means losing You.
But I am weak and helpless, Lord, and cannot be so brave,
Unless You are my Strength and Help, my Rock amidst the waves.
I humbly ask for heart’s desire, yet now until the end,
I choose to leave it all with You – my Keeper and my Friend.”
The Beauty of Contentment
The man or woman who has learned contentment, is usually marked by a peace that passes all human understanding. Have you ever met one of these stunning people? They usually make you feel extremely selfish and silly for complaining about your woes, upon finding out what they are dealing with.
I look at the people in my life who are enduring incredibly harsh circumstances and am amazed at the peace they posses. The little boy with crippled hands who sings, “My hands belong to You, Lord!” The woman who lost her husband in a car accident, left alone with two small boys, who still proclaims that she has been blessed by God. Through their trial they say, “It is well with my soul.” Through their time of pain and disappointment they are saying, “I still love Him.” Through their season of barrenness they still believe, “He is enough for me.” There is no bitterness or anger at the “cards they’ve been dealt,” just an inner peace, even when the storm outside is raging. They know to Whom they belong, and not even tragedy or disappointment can steal their peace and resting place.
These are extreme circumstances of people who have overcome incredible situations. They are heros of the faith and absolutely stunning people. But can those in “lesser” situations be just as heroic in their responses? What about the boring, mundane seasons – can God use them to make us just as beautiful? Think about the heros in your life. Who are they and what do they look like? Does one need to be on the front lines in order to be heroic and brave, or can one be just as heroic behind the scenes? My “behind the scenes” heros are joyful mothers of children. Mothers who are not frazzled and frustrated but calm and loving; even when the house is a mess and the kids are up late. What is this woman’s secret and how does she do it? Anyone who is achieving something great has started out by passing smaller tests in life. Soldiers train before entering battle and so has every person who is enduring difficult seasons. The heart that is training for godlines is behind the scenes learning contentment, while the discontented heart is constantly searching for something more.
The discontented girl has trouble being still. “Her feet abide not in her house.” (Proverbs 7:11) Something always needs to be distracting her, keeping her moving. She is easily bored, and doesn’t like to be reminded of her current situation. So she seeks diversion elsewhere. Discontentment is a product of unhappiness with her life. But no matter what she finds, it will never be enough to keep her happy and content for long. This girl doesn’t need a new set of circumstances to make her happy; she needs a joy that will not be dependent on outward circumstances.
These are not always “worldly” girls. They can be Christian girls, too. I was one of those girls at a certain point. As much as I loved being home, used of God to serve my family, I was always on the lookout for an opportunity to be used elsewhere. I’m a girl who loves adventure, the more exciting and exotic the better; I love a good challenge. And lets face it, according to many – home is… boring. (Unless your idea of adventure is washing dishes five times a day, and a good challenge is how many loads of laundry you can fold before making dinner!) But God had to teach me what was really important to Him. The Lord knew I longed to serve Him; yet He knew I didn’t fully see how being content right where He had me actually was serving Him. God knew there were things He needed to teach me through the dirty dishes and piles of laundry. When my friends were out doing the real exciting things, He knew I had to learn the value of being content with doing little things for His eyes alone. DL Moody observed, “There are many of us that are willing to do great things for the Lord, but few of us are willing to do little things.” There are many busy, productive people who appear to be serving God. But there are few who are willing to sit at His feet and learn who their Lord is.
I’ve had to learn that God is more concerned about who I am being for Him, more than what I am doing for Him. When my ache to show the world Jesus wanted to make me feel discontent with the “unexciting” season I was in, I had to learn that godliness with contentment is great gain. (1 Timothy 6:6) I now see how God has used each season of obscurity to bring me into a deeper place of knowing Him in secret. Because of precious lessons learned in secret, I can now openly serve my Jesus better. And the practice I had learning contentment in a hidden season, has served me well whenever I am faced with a new temptation to be discontented.
“For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.” (Philippians 4:11,12)
So often we look at our unhappy circumstances and think, “When this season is over, then I will be happy.” We foolishly believe that our lack of contentment is linked to our uncomfortable circumstances. How untrue this is! If you are a discontented, unfulfilled single woman, what will stop you from becoming a discontented and miserable married woman? It is not the position of our life that provides us with peace and contentment; it is far more the position of our heart.
Lack of contentment is often due to lack of purpose. It is so easy to become bored or unhappy in our work, school, or situation if we fail to embrace the very reason God placed us there in the first place. Without the hope of gaining something as a result of a rough season, we will have a hard time staying happy and content. But what if we viewed every trial, every set-back and every painful experience as an opportunity to know Jesus better?
“That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death.” (Philippians 3:10)
I can tell you, that this is the only way someone like the woman who lost her husband could continue to say, “I am blessed.” She found purpose through her grief. Instead of allowing bitterness and anger to overcome her, she allowed her suffering and loss to bring her to a deeper place of winning Christ.
“But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.” (Philippians 3:7)
If the very purpose of our life is to know and be known by Jesus, we will be able to appreciate even the most mundane, boring, painful season we’re in as an opportunity to know Him. Where there is purpose, there is contentment. This is the peace that passes understanding when enduring seasons of pain and loss, or times of obscurity and being alone. It is unthinkable to those around us; it is strange to people who do not know the beauty of contentment.
Be reminded that Jesus Himself, knows what it feels like to be in a season of obscurity. Before picking up the cross on which He died, He had another cross to bear: learning obedience through the things that He suffered. Before His ministry began, Jesus was a lowly carpenter. From the time He was a boy until His appearing, He was tucked away learning a layman’s trade. Did Jesus ever look at His life as a carpenter’s son, and wish to be elsewhere? I’m sure He longed for the day He would begin His ministry. But Jesus understood that the purpose of His life was not only to die, but to live a life pleasing to His Father in Heaven – even in secret.
Discontentment leaves a wide open door to the spirit of envy, hatred and bitterness. If you find yourself daydreaming about a distant season, examine your heart. Is it because you are failing to embrace the current season being given to you? If you are someone who needs distraction and has a hard time settling into one place for a period of time, ask yourself if it is because you’re failing to embrace the purpose for that season. If you find yourself becoming bored and restless, see if its not due to envying other people and what they’re doing. It is so important in learning contentment not to compare yourself with others; covetousness always leads to discontentment. Purpose in your heart to say: “I will not covet or envy what others have and I do not. I will not murmur against the Lord for what He has given someone else and not to me. I will not pine away for another day when today is where God has me.”
“Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. “(Hebrews 13:5)
If Jesus truly is your portion in this life, you will always be comforted – even when life isn’t going the way you wish it were. We must ask ourselves the very moment we begin to feel restless or unhappy, “Is He enough for me?” Do not be afraid of being without anything or anyone in this life. Fear being without the presence and rulership of Jesus. If you must be discontent, be discontent with how much you know Him. If you are to be covetous, covet more godliness. If you are unhappy, let it be with the sin in your life.
Everyone, in every stage of life will face the challenge to be content. It is not something learned one time and then never faced with again. All throughout your life, you will be presented with new opportunities to find your satisfaction and purpose in Jesus. I encourage you to start learning now, in whatever situation God has you in. Let it be an opportunity to sit still and learn what He has for you learn in that season. It is often in the hidden places, that God speaks to us the most.
A baby is the perfect picture of someone who is content. Why? Because a baby is utterly dependent upon the parents to take care of all her needs. A baby is free from worry, anxiety and the cares of this world. All that baby needs to know is that she will be taken care of by mommy and daddy. Even when that baby is uncomfortable and crying, she knows that mom will fix the problem and bring relief. And so it should be for every person who has put their life into the capable hands of Father God. Even when in a season of trial, as His child we can know that He will bring comfort and purpose amidst our pain.
May you be a heroic lady marked by the beauty of peace and contentment, able to embrace each new season no matter what it brings, just happy to belong to Jesus!
“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.” Psalm 23:1
Homemade Pizza
2-1/4 tsp. yeast- 1/2 tsp. brown sugar - 1-1/2 cup warm water - 1 tsp. salt - 2 Tbs. olive oil - 3-1/3 cups all-purpose – flour- cornmeal, optional – 1 jar marinara sauce – shredded mozzarella cheese – garlic powder – onion powder – oregano
- In small bowl, dissolve yeast and brown sugar in warm water.
- In another bowl, combine 2- 1/2 cups of the flour, salt and oil.
- Turn onto a well-floured surface and knead in enough flour to form a non-sticky dough.
- Place dough in a well-oiled bowl; cover with cloth and let rise, about 1 hour.
- Punch down dough and form a ball. Allow dough to relax a minute before rolling out.
- If baking pizza in a pan, lightly oil the pan, let dough rise for 15-20 minutes before topping with sauce, cheese and spices. Bake at 425 for 20 minutes, or until cheese has browned.
Comforting Chai Tea
- Your favorite mug
- 2 Twinings Ultra Spice Chai tea bags
- 1/4 cup of milk
- 1/3 cup water, boiled
- 2 tsp vanilla extract
- 1/4 tsp cinnamon
- Pinch of nutmeg
- Sweetener (I prefer agave nectar. But you can use honey or sugar.)
Place tea bags in a mug with water; let steep for 3-5 minutes. Meanwhile in a small saucepan, heat (but do not boil) milk, sweetener, vanilla and spices, stirring constantly with whisk. Add milk mixture to tea and stir. Remove tea bags and top with whipped cream if desired.
Pursuing Dad
One of the most important relationships in a girls life, is that of her father.
A father is to be the protector of his daughter’s virtue, the guardian of her heart. When the desire for love and affection starts to become stronger as she grows, the need for her daddy will also grow. But often, it is during the crucial teen years, that the vital relationship between a dad and his girl become next to nothing. Where once as a girl she needed daddy to kiss her “boo boo” and hold her when she cried, she no longer looks to him but to someone else to provide what her heart craves.
When a girl wants love, and does not find it in her dad, she will naturally look for that love from the wrong person. Especially if her dad has hurt her and disappointed her, she will seek to find solace and comfort from someone else. Often that person is the boy who wants her only for what she can give him. If her virtue is not protected, he will be the one to steal it.
This is so tragic, for it is during the blossoming time of a girl’s life, when she is changing and feeling all sorts of different emotions and desires, that the relationship with her dad is so vital. It is at this time of life that she becomes most vulnerable to the grip of the enemy of her soul. Satan does not “go easy” on a girl because she is young. No indeed, he will work harder to win her and then devour her. And when the one charged to be the protector and guardian of her heart is somewhere in the background of her life – she is easy prey for the enemy. If her father is not pursuing her, there will always be someone else vying for her life. It is a race for her soul, and if the father is not in the lead, he will lose.
I look at my own life and see how the relationship I have developed with my father over the years has kept me from many tragic mistakes. Not only did he protect me from others and the harm they could do to me – but he protected me from the harm I could inflict upon myself. I needed a protector from me. When not walking with Jesus, fully surrendered to Him, I was an accident waiting to happen. I was the next statistic. I was the next victim. Without the umbrella of protection from my dad, I would have gone my own way and made a mess of my life. My dad pursued me. He fought for me. He got to me first. Dad made me see that even though I acted unlovable, I was still loved. Even though I didn’t think I had much worth – he proved my value by how much he paid to protect me. He showed me the love of God by laying down his own life, for mine.
Every girl wants to be a treasure to one man, and I knew that I was a costly treasure to my father. When I gave my heart to him, all of a sudden the love I once desired from a man was met by the love of my dad. I didn’t need a boyfriend, because there was no one who could compare to the friend and companion I found in my father. He showed me what a true man looked like. So even when I felt that girlish ache to have someone of my own, I knew the difference between fleshly love and true love. That difference revealed to me by my father was a huge factor in keeping me from falling for counterfeit love. I knew what the real, sacrificial, selfless, love looked like because of him. Until a man could show me the same thing, he didn’t have a chance at winning my carefully guarded heart.
I am so grateful for my dad and the relationship we have. I praise God that my dad is the man he is. There is a need for fathers to be the man in his daughter’s life. But while we look at unprotected, vulnerable, hurting girls and shake our heads saying, “Where is her father?” there are dads who desperately want to be the protector and nurturer to their daughters, who are not being given the chance. How so? It is not always the lack of a father who is at fault for a non-existent relationship, it is often due to the daughter’s own unwillingness to share her heart with him. How many men wouldn’t give their right arms to be given their daughter’s heart? For the man whose girl has said, “Daddy, until the day comes when you will give me to my husband, I want you to be the man who holds my heart,” he is the proudest man alive! For that daughter just gave him a priceless treasure and she has communicated to him that she wants him to guard that treasure at all costs.
But some daughters, for one reason or the other, do not want the involvement of a father. Giving her heart to daddy would mean welcoming his potential interference in her life. Many girls, no matter how much the father wishes to be a part of her decisions, struggles, consulted on matters and valued for his opinions – do not allow him to be the man in her life. Therefore, she misses out on a valuable relationship that could spare her from many pitfalls.
In order for any relationship to be healthy and strong, there needs to be communication: sharing between two hearts and two lives. Openness and vulnerability are needed if two people are going to strengthen their bond with each other. If a girl does not know how to share her struggles and feelings with her father, how then will she be able to do so with a husband? Her father provides the best training ground for marriage. If she can be open with daddy, she will be open with her husband. But if she is closed and secretive and does not want the interference of her father, what makes her think she will be any different with a spouse? Women must realize the incredible value a close, open relationship with her father means to her future.
“But you don’t know my dad!” you say. “He is too busy for me,” or “He’s not a strong Christian.” How can you give your heart to someone who doesn’t care or isn’t interested in protecting it? I encourage you as another woman, to be the one to pursue your dad. You may think that he doesn’t care or isn’t interested in your life. But be open to the likelihood that he is much more concerned about you than you think, and would be honored and privileged to be given a voice in your life.
I know a young lady who observed the relationship I have with my father, and asked me how she could have the same with her dad. She wanted more than just the typical relationship a girl usually has with her dad: she wanted a friend and a confidante. She understood how vital it is for her father to have her heart so that others wouldn’t have a chance at stealing it. I gave her my advice about how to begin nurturing a relationship with him, and she looked at me and said, “I’m scared of how he’ll react when I share my heart with him.” Yes, its true – your dad may be taken aback, even a little embarrassed when you (out of nowhere), offer access to your life. Remember if you’ve never shared struggles or asked for his counsel, it may be awkward for both of you. The awkwardness is temporary. The investment in him is worth a lifetime. Sure enough – awkward as it was, when this young lady presented the gift of her heart, her father became the proudest man alive. All of a sudden, his job as Dad became more than providing. It became a duty and a call to protect his treasure. But it began when his girl gave him the gift: she became willing to be protected.
If your dad is not going to pursue you, you must pursue him. It is common for a woman to take her father’s lack of pursuing her, as a sign of his lack of commitment to her. When truly, her father doesn’t want to get involved where he feels he is clearly not welcomed. Men are responders. They look for signals from a woman. If a father sees that his daughter is signaling to him the desire for a relationship with him, he will respond by pursuing her. But if her signals to him are, “Back off, Dad” he probably will take the cue and leave her alone.
What signals are you sending to your Dad? How has he been responding to you? Does he feel welcome in your life? Do not make the mistake of assuming he doesn’t care for you; it is more than likely he is just following your lead.
The first step is to show him by your actions that you want him to have your heart, and then commit to honoring him and valuing his voice. Start asking him, “Dad, what do you think of this outfit?” Where once you didn’t care to hear his counsel, show him that you now value it. It will start subtly, but over time, you will win your dad’s heart! If you need to, ask his forgiveness for not including him and recognizing him as your God-given protector. It doesn’t matter if your dad has failed you or isn’t the man you want him to be. By not honoring him and allowing his “interference,” you are stripping him of his God-given duty, and depriving yourself of a vital relationship that will negatively or positively effect your future.
Who says that when you become an adult you should stop honoring your dad and seeking his counsel? If you are still a single woman, your father should be the man in your life. Just because you are no longer a teenager doesn’t mean you have outgrown the need to be protected. Your dad deserves to be given the opportunity to offer his opinion and counsel – even if you’re an adult. Men tend not to “ prey” on women they know have a strong relationship and open communication with their fathers. And I can’t express enough the beauty of when a girl’s father is involved in her love life.
Though it will take years of investing in a relationship with your dad, the outcome is worth it. Make him the proudest man alive and give him what no one else can: your heart.
Thirst Quencher
At one particular speaking event to a group of elementary-aged girls, I asked the question, “Who here wants to be a princess one day?” Most of them excitedly shot up their hands. What girl doesn’t believe that she can be a princess and marry her prince one day when she’s all grown-up and pretty?
I asked the same question to a group of young women a few months later. The response was very different. I was stared at blankly for a few seconds, after which there was an outbreak of snorts, laughter and muttering, “Is she kidding?” I then asked, “Who here has been failed or disappointed in the area of love and relationships?” The room fell quiet and more than a few hands raised with that one.
I thought about the different responses from my two audiences. The difference had to do with expectations.
A little girl, if protected, is unaware and unscathed from the bitter hurt that so many women “all grown-up and pretty” have felt. She is still pretending to be a good mommy to her dollies, still believing the fairytale stories and still waiting for her wonderful prince. He will be strong and handsome, heroic and valiant. He will be kind and caring and always protect her. He will think she is so beautiful. He will serve her and fight for her, and always put her first. He will be a good provider and extremely dependable. And yes, he of course will be faithful and only ever want her. He will so love her and show it not just with words, but with his very life.
Now grow that little girl up. Put her in a world full of those who want her only for what she does for them; take from her what is precious and make it vile; promise to be the fulfillment of her dream and become her nightmare. Where is the man she once envisioned? Her “prince” has morphed into a belching frog – but only after stealing her kiss.
After such a rude awakening do you think she still believes there is such a thing as princesses and prince charmings? Pieces of her body and heart are scattered everywhere from her junior high school to her college campus. She feels vulnerable and empty. She decides she will never allow herself to get hurt again. In an effort to protect herself from being used and disappointed she allows walls of bitterness, anger and cynicism to arise. She becomes her own protector, not believing that there is a guy out there who is all she once naively hoped for, but willing to settle for one she can use just as well as he can use her. She can play the game too.
So, she ends up with some guy who has been just as slammed by the world as she has. They don’t share much outside of their own sin and misery. When her friends and family warn her about him and say, “You can do so much better!” she would like to agree with them, but believes she is getting what she deserves. She’s just as dependent upon him for what she wants as he is upon her.. She doesn’t want to be alone. She needs someone. Anyone will do who will fill the aching void in her soul- he doesn’t have to be her dream come true. The strong, heroic, dashing prince she dreamed of as a girl doesn’t exist anyway. Yet amazingly, this same girl, somewhere deep inside, continues to long for that special one. All her childhood desires for love and acceptance remain.
The woman at the well in John chapter 4 could very well be the one I just described. You would think this woman after four husbands would have been done with men and relationships. But she wasn’t. She was on man number five. Jesus saw a thirst that had never been quenched by any Prince Charming, and never could be. He knew that HE was the water she needed to quench the thirst within her soul. What men could not give her, He alone could. “But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14)
God put within every person a thirst. A thirst to find happiness and satisfaction in this present life. A thirst to love someone and be loved in return. A thirst to be recognized and valued. These “thirsts” are not wrong! We are made in God’s image. If He wants to be loved, recognized, and valued, then those made in His image must want those things too. But there was a very special reason God put within us this thirst: so He could be the One to quench and satisfy.
Creation cannot satisfy creation. You need the Creator of the universe to tell you, “You are beloved, you are loved, you are accepted.” Not because of what you do to gain it, but because He says so! When you have that, your expectations for that “perfect one” will be met. Nobody will be able to replace or come even close to Him! Not even a true earthly prince charming. You see, even if you’re not the girl who’s been burned and settled for a frog, even if you’ve found the prince who is all that he should be, the “perfect guy” that you hoped, prayed, dreamed, and waited for – he will never be enough. No matter how much he gives to you, it will never be enough to satisfy and fulfill what your soul needs. You will continue to be the woman at the well who keeps going back for more. The eyes of man are never full, the ears never hear the words, “I love you,” “You’re perfect,” or “You’re beautiful” enough to satisfy the thirst within the soul. Our appetite is too big for what any human being can supply.
Maybe you’re still waiting for your prince. You’ve kept yourself from the frog in disguise. You’ve held out, believing that good things come for those who wait. You’ve not settled. I want to encourage you to keep persevering, keep being faithful even when your faith has not yet been made sight. God sees your faithfulness, even when others don’t. He will give you the desires of your heart! But I also want to caution you: if you are holding out, waiting for happiness to begin the moment you meet him – you too will be disappointed. Though he may not be the repulsive frog, he will still be human. And even the best of humankind cannot be what God was meant to be for you! Get ready for disappointment when you drink from a well that is not the one, true fountain of living waters. Get ready for dreams to come true when Jesus is your portion in life! HE will exceed ALL your expectations.
“And Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst.” (John 6:35)
How To Make Delicious Bread in 5 Steps
3 1/2 to 4 cups all-purpose flour 2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour 2 Tbs. active dry yeast 1 Tbs. salt 1 cup water 1 cup milk 1/2 cup honey 3 Tbs. butter or shortening (no substitutes) 1 egg.
- In a large bowl, combine 2 cups flour, 1 cup whole wheat flour, yeast and salt.
- In a small saucepan heat the water, milk, honey, and butter to 120- 130 degrees. Add to dry ingredients; beat just until moistened. Add egg; beat until smooth. Stir in remaining flour to form a stiff dough.
- Turn on to a lightly floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic. Form into ball then place in a greased bowl turning once to grease top. Cover with a dish towel and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about an hour.
- After dough has risen, punch dough down; let rest for 10 minutes. Turn onto a lightly floured surface, divide into thirds. Place in three greased loaf pans. Cover and let rise until doubled about 45 minutes.
- Bake at 350 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes or until golden brown.
Dead Space
“Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.”(Ephesians 5:16)
Some of the main “time wasters” are connected to simply not having enough things to supplement your day. Spending hours perusing the internet or filling up “dead space” with texting, are often just defaults. But if you really take some time to think about what things can enrich your day as opposed to wasting it, your life will broaden and you will become excited to face each new day. When time has been well spent, there is such great satisfaction!
The problem is, we don’t value time. Day after day slips by, and what has been accomplished? In the physical realm, as well as the spiritual? Don’t we realize that every “idle word” will be accounted for before God at the judgment seat? Every idle word! Let alone every idle day that is spent without thought for God and others. Our eternal reward will be based upon what was done for God with the time we’ve been given on this earth. He sees all that is done even in secret for, or against Him.
God’s not expecting you to get off the computer right now, and start your own ministry to the homeless. He’s looking for a heart that is willing to be faithful in even the little things that He’s put before you to do. If you can use the time you have now to glorify Him, He will surely count you faithful, and entrust with you greater responsibility down the road.
How do you use the time and season you’re in right now? Do you view your day as just “another day,” or a special opportunity to learn and grow into the person God wants you to be? If you embrace today, and value your time, you will no longer just fill “dead space” with meaningless activity. In fact, if you value time, there is NO such thing as “dead space!”
Another thought: if you waste your time on frivolous things, you make yourself vulnerable to the enemy. “Because the days are evil.” It is so much easier for the devil to have access to you if he sees that your guard is down and your focus is not on God. Redeeming the time is a great defense against the wiles of the devil.
Take a moment and think about how you spend your time. Evaluate if these things are profitable, or are just “time wasters.” Then think about how you can exchange those things with “time redeemers.”
Time Wasters:
- Aimlessly perusing the internet, watching movies, spending way too much time in front of the mirror, sleeping in late because you went to bed too late, etc.
Time Redeemers:
- Start a journal, or read the book that’s been sitting on the shelf since Christmas
- Write a handwritten letter of encouragement to a friend or relative
- Visit your elderly relative in the nursing home
- Have that coffee date with your friend you’re always planning on having (but never have because “time just slips away.”)
- Go on a jog or re-organize a messy closet
- Help your mom in the kitchen or surprise your dad with a cup of tea
- Try out a new recipe or make an early morning breakfast to surprise your family
- De-clutter your room or write a new piano piece
- If you have a car, offer to help your parents run errands or drive your siblings to work or school
- Start a scrapbook
- Plan a fun night with your siblings. (Make good use of movies by sharing the time together)
- Read the Word (If your life is busy with work or school, make use of any time you have. Fill up “dead space!” Put the Bible on your iPod and listen to It while on the bus or in the car. Pull out the Word if you’re in the waiting room at a doctor’s appointment, or while dinner is still in the oven.)
This is just a start. Get serious about how you’re spending every moment He gives you. Because time is one thing you can never get back.
Lasting Beauty
So much of what women are being bombarded with are products, tips and “solutions” that promise to make one attractive. How to get beautiful hair, flawless skin, and a new body by Christmas are all plastered on the covers of magazines and interweaved in commercials. The messages to women are endless, promising to make one beautiful and desirable.
And who doesn’t want to be beautiful? But there is a beauty beyond losing ten pounds and a white smile. The beauty that attracts now, will one day be gone, the lovers that love because of what pleases the eye, will one day fade as the outward beauty disappears.
“And when thou art spoiled, what wilt thou do? Though thou clothest thyself with crimson, though thou deckest thee with ornaments of gold, though thou rentest thy face with painting, in vain shalt thou make thyself fair; thy lovers will despise thee, they will seek thy life.” (Isaiah 4:30)
How this frightens those who find happiness in their outward appearance! It is not that wanting to look your best is wrong. But where does your treasure lie? What is your focus and aim? To receive glory from man or to give glory to God? Do you spend more time at the mirror on the wall, or with the mirror of God’s Word? Those who spend their life striving to receive glory from their outward beauty are like the gardener. He works and toils to bring forth a rose, and the glory such a flower brings. But the praise from neighbors is is short-lived. The rose will only last for so long, until the flower wilts and dies.
“For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away: But the word of the Lord endureth for ever. (I Peter 1:24)
There is a beauty that won’t fade away as the years steal the flower of youth. There is a treasure that will not rust and corrupt, but only becomes more beautiful with age and maturity. There is a love that will only deepen with time and experience. You are right to be scared if you’re being loved by someone who only wants you for what will fade away with time. Physical beauty. It is so fleeting. You best not get too comfortable with it!
But I have discovered a beauty that actually grows with time. Here is the secret:
”A gracious woman retains honour.” (Proverbs 11:16)
Wow. There is a graciousness that goes beyond physical beauty. Graciousness is a product of receiving every resource that is in Christ Jesus. Rather than focusing on outward beauty, the gracious woman has spent her years at the feet of the Lord, learning of Him and His ways. She has walked through life’s fire and has gained gold. She has received the grace of God to overcome pride, bitterness, anger, jealousy, and discontentment. She is clothed in meekness and humility. Kindness is in her mouth. She is always growing in grace, as she continues to grow in the knowledge of Christ Jesus. This woman is a giver. Why? Because she is so filled to the brim, she cannot help but pour out onto others. You can not be gracious, unless you have received Grace. You cannot give, unless you have received.
The gracious woman doesn’t seek the “age reversal” treatments! Time is her friend, not her enemy. For with time, she will continue to grow in grace. She will continue to learn and grow in the character of Jesus. Years will provide more time to shine. She embraces the years, for they bring opportunity to “put on” Christ, being conformed to His image.
The gracious woman makes Christ look attractive to her family. When they see her, they see His beauty. And they want it.
“Let thy work appear unto thy servants, and thy glory unto their children. And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.” (Psalm 90:16)
Though the flower of youth fades, the gracious woman continues to grow in honour. Those around her will be blessed and she will be beloved by all those who come into contact with her. She will bring pleasure to her husband, as he watches her grow in grace and wisdom. Her children will look up to her, value her counsel, appreciate her sacrifices for them, and call her “blessed.” Though her hands are no longer soft, they bear the marks from years of selfless giving of herself for her family. But they are the most beautiful hands in all the world, according to her children. The years and precious babies have stolen her once slim figure; but there isn’t a model in the world who looks as elegant as she does, according to her husband. And if the day comes when her work on earth is done and she finds herself alone, bedridden in a nursing home, she has never looked more precious, according to her God.
Our desire should be to look like that woman. Do not waste your years trying to salvage what will one day be gone, and no longer remembered. Spend your youth, not on things that are fleeting, but on becoming a woman who fears the Lord. By doing this, you will retain a beauty that will never fade!
“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)