I Kissed Dating Goodbye
Joshua Harris’ influential (and controversial) book on marriage and relationships. Agree with him, or not, it is bound to get you thinking about the concept of Christian dating.
The Huntress
“A man that flattereth his neighbour spreadeth a net for his feet.” (Proverbs 29:5)
Today, girls complain that the guys are too lazy and “won’t be man enough” to pursue. But why should the guy waste all that time and energy on pursuing- -when the girls are so easily caught falling all over him?
It must sadden the heart of God that women not only won’t let the man take the lead, but that women are ferociously on the hunt for male prey. It’s not always because she thinks the guy is so amiable and desirable…No, its because the male has something (or rather offers something) that she craves. In fact, she is addicted to this thing. She cannot function without it and will do anything she must in order to acquire it. When her supply starts running low, she begins to panic. And so the hunt is on…
What does he have that she craves?
Inside of every girl is a desire to be affirmed by people. Especially by the opposite sex. She wants to be found desirable, the object of someone’s love and affection. The flattery of man elates her, making her feel beautiful and someone of value. But just as flattery brings happiness, when there’s an absence of such attention, she will no doubt be on the hunt for more.
Men, you can help us ladies by being careful not to flatter with your lips. You don’t realize what a snare you lay before someone when you say things that make a girl’s heart run wild. Do not speak with a “double heart,” saying things in order to provoke a reaction that will suit your agenda. Be wise and understand that your words have power to point her to her Man Jesus, or to yourself.
Ladies, do not look to men for the approval your heart desires. Do not let the praise of man lay a snare for you! Learn how to let compliments “slide off your back” without letting them indulge your vanity. Do not let the flattery of man elate you, while letting their lack of attention depress you. Be careful not to become dependent and “addicted” to the feeling that flattery brings. By caring more about earning God’s praise, you will lose the craving for the praise of man. And oh, what freedom it is not to live for the eyes and approval of people!
May the hunt end with you surrendering your desire to win the praise of man. Stop searching for something that will never truly satisfy and always change. Acknowledge the addiction to getting love and acceptance from people, and ask Jesus to be all that your heart craves. For unlike other lusts and addictions- He always satisfies!
Nearly Drowned
It was a beautiful August day at the beach in Ocean Grove, New Jersey. But what started out as a lovely, carefree day- morphed quickly into a potential nightmare. I share this story with you now, praying that God will use what I learned- as a good reminder for all reading this:
We’d been looking forward to this ladies weekend retreat for months. My four friends and I were finally at the beach, taking in the waves and sun! Soon after we arrived at the beach, Monica and I decided to take a swim to cool off a bit. At first, we stayed close to the crowded beach, content with the small, foamy waves. But soon, those smaller waves became boring, and so we decided to go out deeper for the bigger, more exciting waves.
We began to swim out a little too far, and the current began to carry us farther and farther away from the shore. We weren’t but a few yards away from the dangerous rocks. As everyone back on the beach saw that there were these two girls headed for danger, the lifeguards began to whistle to get our attention. They whistled three times, but we didn’t hear it. Anna, who was watching us, began to frantically wave and shout, “Come back, come back!” I saw her, and tried to get Monica’s attention, knowing that we weren’t in a good place. But it was too late. I was strong enough to fight the monstrous tide, and pull away into calmer waters. But when I looked for my friend, I saw to my horror, her struggle to stay above water. I began to go back for her, and realized that I was becoming tired and couldn’t feel the bottom of the sea. That’s when I started to cry, “help! someone help!” Monica reached for me and cried out, “Katie, I can’t reach the bottom!” I couldn’t get to her and that’s when I realized that I would go under with her, if God didn’t intervene- quick. Each wave, took her further away from me and I felt powerless to rescue her. Panic hit and I began to pray, “Jesus, oh Jesus, save us!” I couldn’t help but think, ”This is it- I’ll be seeing my Jesus face to face in a few moments.” Not two seconds later, I saw lifeguards rushing out to save Monica (who was farther out then I was). As soon as she was safe, the waters calmed and I was able to break free from the waves and swim to safety.
Everyone on the beach was looking at the dangerous scene we played out before them. My friends who were on shore watching, were near tears. Although I realized the gravity of what had happened (and what could have happened), Monica didn’t fully understand how dangerous the situation really was. She thought her embarrassing rescue wasn’t that necessary and that she could have “handled it.” (She was a swimmer years ago, and was confident in the water.) Later, I took her aside and spoke very gently what I felt God wanted us to learn from the frightful experience.
Sometimes, we get too overconfident in ourselves and abilities, and venture out a little too far. We know of the potential danger, yet we continue to go in the wrong direction. Everyone watching us can see that we’re headed for disaster. They call out warnings and whistles, “come back to shore! you’re too far out!” But in pride, we get cocky and say, “Don’t worry- I can handle this!” Before we know it, we’re in “over our heads”- headed for the dangerous rocks and even potential death. We can only go so long before the tide is too strong, draining us from any strength. Someone might even try to rescue us (like I tried to do for Monica), but can’t, and almost drown right along with us. But God in His mercy is The Lifeguard! In the day that He hears our cry, He reaches out, and comes to our rescue. What a Saviour!
Monica did receive what I said, and she learned from the ordeal. I learned, too… sometimes I see a soul “drowning” and headed for death, and I want to swim out and save them. But I am human, too, with human strength. I cannot do the saving. If I try to, I become caught in the current, and can drown right along side the one I’m trying to rescue. I can only give warnings and point them to the only One who can deliver. Thank you Jesus for saving us both!
May we all stay close to the shore. Close to God and His watchful, protective eye. May we never dare go where He is not. May we gratefully heed His warnings, His guidelines, His rules… for they are only for our safety.
What about you?
- Are there areas in your life where you are straying from Him, foolishly venturing out into “forbidden waters?” (i.e wrong thoughts, sinful movies and books, peer pressure, compromising relationships)
- Do you honor, obey and appreciate the “lifeguards” in your life (i.e. parents, pastor, Holy Spirit)?
- Do you ever get overconfident in your own abilities to stay strong in the midst of temptation?
- Do you ever find yourself ignoring and despising God’s protection over you? (i.e. rules and standards that parents set, etc.)
- Do you believe that God can save you, no matter how “far” you “swim” away from Him? (Just call upon Him, and HE WILL hear your cry!)
“Keep us Father, from getting ‘swept away’ with the tide… the ‘current’ flow that everyone else is following, with no thought of You. May we leave the saving to You, but may we be faithful to guide and point others in the right direction, helping them stay close to the shore. May we never be confident in our own selves- our own strength, leading others astray along with us. Help us appreciate and obey the lifeguards You’ve placed in our lives, for our protection. Thank You for being our Saviour!”
Counterfeits
A year or so ago, I decided to shop online for a brand new pair of UGG’s in my favorite color. I had purchased a pair of these comfy boots the previous year and was very satisfied with them. Though they had cost me, I figured they were worth their weight in gold. Only on this shopping spree, I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend that kind of money again.
So I googled “UGG boots” and there came up a whole list on the Google page. I clicked on one site that read, “uggbootscheap.” Right away, I had this funny feeling that I could be looking at a counterfeit site. But when I compared the prices from the original UGG store and this one- for the “same exact” boot- I made my decision. The picture looked the same. The description was the same. But the prices were so different! I even read the site’s “Our Promise To You” tag that assured the customer that what they were selling was indeed genuine. Before I clicked “add to cart,” I asked my dad if I could go ahead with my purchase. He thought that the price was a little fishy, but ended up saying that it was up to me. Without another thought, I had purchased my boots.
Throughout the week, every time I thought of those boots in transit, I had a sick feeling. “What if they really are fakes?” Quickly, I would push the thought away. I did not want to think about the possibility that I had been gypped.
A few days later, I came home from work to find a very beat up package. I knew what it was, and for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to open it up. I dreaded what I would find. As long as I didn’t open that box, those UGG’s were genuine. I lingered for hours, and finally decided to face it.
You can probably guess the outcome. Everything from the inside lining, to the tag, to the rubber soles screamed to me, “COUNTERFEIT! IMITATION! FAKE! LIES!” I was so upset at that cheap company who had promised me I would be getting something real. I was upset that such scandalous sites were not all shut down! I was disappointed in myself for being so hasty in my buying and for not being a little wiser.
Still not wanting to believe that I had paid for imitations, I went online and investigated fake UGG’s. On the official UGG site, I saw what I had not seen before- a page on Counterfeit Education. I felt very silly as I read, “A counterfeit product is any imitation or fake made with the intent to deceive the consumer into believing it to be genuine.” There were warnings on how to protect yourself from being deceived and how to avoid it from happening again.
I did feel deceived. I felt like I had been lied to. I felt like a fool for believing their “lines.” I went to my dad and told him what had happened and asked him to help me return my foolish purchase. Sadly, he informed me that the sellers had made it impossible for me to return, charging more money on shipping than what I had spent on the actual product! I was stuck with it. To make it worse, the color wasn’t even what I had ordered.
Now every time I look at those boots, I am reminded of something I often teach to young women: Value, worth, counterfeits and how to recognize “fool’s gold.”
For you see, my counterfeit UGG’s are much like Satan’s counterfeit of intimacy. He is excruciatingly jealous over everything God has created and calls “good.” Our enemy is in a battle to take God’s beautiful creation and twist it into something horrendously ugly. He is subtle (crafty, cunning) and doesn’t want you to see the “fine print.” “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy…”
Young people especially are the ones the thief is after. He sets traps on every street corner, every click of the mouse, every billboard cover, and dangles every form of sensuous bait in the faces of young people. Not only does he tempt using outside influences, but through our God-given desires. Our enemy knows that in the innermost parts of every person, there is a desire to be loved, valued and appreciated. There is an innate desire in every human soul, to know and be known by another. This is the very definition of intimacy, and GOD created it! But just how Satan sees that the tree in the midst of the Garden was forbidden- he sees that sexual intimacy outside of marriage is off limits.
“Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made…” He’s a liar and a cheat.He subtly whispers words of doubt, wanting us to question God’s word, His goodness, and His faithfulness to provide for all of our needs. “…And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”
And sadly, so many are falling prey to the counterfeit.
So many are falling for fool’s gold, instead of waiting upon God to receive all of His riches in glory. We grow weary of waiting, brush away our misgivings, become hasty, and end up falling for and buying Satan’s imitation merchandise. He promises that it will be “Oh so good… Just one look… Just one time… You know you want it… If it feels good- do it! God doesn’t care about your needs anyway…” But those who are deceived will surely die. (Genesis 2:17)
So many are missing out on the real thing! So many have a wicked heart of unbelief when it comes to trusting God and His timing. We doubt that He can really provide for all of our needs and satisfy all of our deepest desires. We don’t believe that He is enough! We’ve fallen for the bait, believed the lies, and have bought in to into something that will only disappoint and hurt us down the line. “Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel.” (Proverbs 20:17)
What is the real thing? How can we detect when something is counterfeit? By knowing the original. The United States Secret Service advises the public how to be aware of counterfeit money, which is to become familiar with genuine currency. This can help us when it comes to detecting the devil’s lies. If you know Jesus Christ and His Word intimately- you will know when you’re being offered “fool’s gold.”
Jesus Christ is the original. He is genuine. He is the real thing. You get what you pay for. Be assured: you’ll never regret paying the price you pay to have Him!
“…I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10
Alone, Yet Not Alone
Ever feel as though you’re the only person in the world?
Alone, dejected, obscure… forgotten? Don’t worry, because you’re not alone. Jesus Himself, has been there- done that. In fact, Jesus was the most lonely, friendless Man who ever walked the earth. John 1:11 says, “He came unto his own, and his own received him not.” When He walked this earth as a man, the world didn’t recognize or acknowledge Him as it’s Savior. No one could possibly understand Him, when they didn’t even know WHO He was.
Not even Jesus’ disciples fully knew Him. “Jesus saith unto him, Have I been so long time with you, and yet hast thou not known me…?” (John 14:9) He knows what it feels like to be alone, undervalued, and misunderstood. Yet He could say, “Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.” (John 16:32) What comfort the presence of His Father in Heaven gave to Him!
This is my encouragement to you: when people fail, friends move on, and life changes- the Friendship of God will always be there for you to lean on. He will be what no one ever could be. What a friend we have in Jesus!
Below is an essay entitled “The Friendship of God”, written by G.D. Watson on this very subject. I pray it speaks to your heart as much as it has to mine.
“God is the only friend who never fails us.
How frequently and easily the friendships of earth grow thread bare and wear out. As children, we all had little friends that we thought would last forever, but in a few years the delicate romance passed away, and the friendships drifted from us.
Then came youth, with to its friendships that we thought were rooted in granite, but they obeyed the same law of change and transitoriness.
And then came middle age life, with its more thoughtful and serious friendships, which after a while were rent with cruel misunderstandings and unexplained silences, and so languidly declined.
And then we drift on to the lonely quiet heavens of old age, into which we anchor our riper years, to find that change and decay have characterized all earthly things, including what we once supposed were friendships riveted with steel.
It is not always because friends have been unfaithful, but often the pressures of life have separated us. We were but poor creatures, and earth has had his special calling, peculiar burdens, diverse paths of travel, and the constant changes of new scenes, new circumstances, new acquaintances, new thoughts, new feelings. Like passing ships at sea, we lived a while in the sight of each other’s sails, and enjoyed the beautiful signaling by flags or rockets from soul to soul, but we each had to make a several port, and so we slipped over the rim of the sea, and lost sight of each other.
But God is the dear, old faithful Friend, from Whom we never sail away, and Who always is going our way, and making the same port, and Whose interests are always our own. The very things that have killed off the friendship of other people have only made God more and more a friend to us. Just where other friendships wear out, God’s friendship wears in. The things that make others forget us are the very things that make God remember us. Just where our failures and infirmities and sorrows over-tax the patience of earthly friends, God’s friendship breaks out afresh like finding a gold mine on a place of poor land whole fertility had been exhausted.
God’s friendship was not conditioned on our beauty, or prosperity, or success, or popularity, but on our personality and our being His own creatures who need Him forever. God’s friendship for us was never touchy, nor fastidious, nor rash, nor overbearing, nor critical, nor dependent on what other people thought about us. God has proved Himself over and over to be the Friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
How To Get Rich
“Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me. And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.” (Mark 10:21-22)
He walked away. He walked away from the chance of a lifetime- to be the very disciple of Jesus Christ. He actually “dumped” the King of Kings! What kind of fool was this rich kid?! Didn’t he know who Jesus was and the life he could’ve had?
The kid missed out. And he knew it. Why? Because he loved his life too much: his things, his toys, his riches. Selling his possessions and trading his prosperous life for the poor life of a disciple was too hard for him. “Treasure in heaven” was too difficult for his mind to grasp when his treasure on earth had his heart.
Yet how many of us never surrender because we aren’t willing to “sell all we have” in order to follow Him? How many of us miss out on the treasure that could belong to us in Heaven? How many times have you “dumped” Jesus- choosing your friends, your desires, your plans, your dreams, your addictions, your whatever-it-may-be’s… instead?
There is a choice, and He so lovingly leaves it up to us. Will we choose the fleeting things of today- or the everlasting treasure of life and eternity with Jesus. Every time we choose the things of this earth, thinking they will satisfy and make us happy- we end up walking away with nothing in the end.
Our problem is, we don’t have an eternal focus. We do not value the things that Jesus values. We lay up for ourselves “treasure” on earth, where moth and rust corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal. (Matthew 6:19) We love our jobs, and the security they bring. We love our possessions and the pleasure they give. We love our friends because of the companionship they offer. We love our lives because we love ourselves. We fail to live every day with the sobering awareness that our lives are not about us, but about Him. We place much more value than we ought to upon this present, fleeting life. This is partly because of the fallen world we live in. Everywhere you look, the world is screaming, “It’s all about YOU.” When was the last time, when given the choice to pick God’s way, or the world’s way- did you stare that decision in the face and say, “I choose HIM.”? For when you do, you may walk away a little poorer by way of life’s gain- but you can be sure you became a heap richer in God’s Kingdom.
There is so much in God we miss out on, because we do not want to become “poor” in this life. Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” (Matthew 5:3) But instead of being willing to lose our life, counting all else as “dung” in order to “win Christ,” we hold onto what will one day be as dust. What our friend, the rich ruler didn’t realize was that in order for him to get rich, he had to become poor.
“He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.”(John 12:25)
Are you still holding out on Him? It’s not enough to say you’re a “good Christian” because you follow the rules, and go to church. This was the pat on the back the young rich man gave to himself in our story. But it wasn’t enough. Jesus is so worthy of it all! And oh, how He deserves ALL of us- every bit and piece of our lives!
Though surrender might seem like a loss, the gain in much greater. There is nothing you’re holding onto that God can’t replace with far greater pleasure and fulfillment! The trade is worth it. Dare to believe that you haven’t yet begun to live, unless He’s got all of you.
“Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. (Psalm 16:11)
Giving Up the Fight
Ever think about surrender? Does even the mention of that word make you feel uneasy- the way it once did for me? Or is it just a word you hear in the songs you sing at church?
What is surrender?
My dad put it well one day: surrender means that you “come out with your hands up.” In other words, you give up the fight.
At the age of 15, I gave up the fight, and surrendered my life to the rulership of Jesus Christ. I now thought different, talked different, dressed different, and lived different. He had set me free from the selfish, self-absorbed girl I had once been, replacing my stony heart with a heart of flesh. Where once I had hated being different from the world, I now embraced the call to be holy and set-apart for my God.
But there comes a cost with unconditional surrender to a Holy God. Friends would despise and forsake me. I would be hated by the world, and sometimes be unpopular with other “Christians.” It would mean I’d spend some lonely nights and have some uneventful weekends. I couldn’t be like everyone else, dress like everyone else, talk like everyone else. I couldn’t live for the eyes of man anymore, couldn’t make my own plans anymore, couldn’t live MY own life anymore. I had become nothing, so He could become everything.
Surrender meant I would be different from that point on. I belonged to Someone, and He was jealous over me and my life.
So many come close to surrender but can never quite “give up” their fight, because of this: being a Christian would mean being different, and being different is weird, and being weird won’t make me happy or let me have any fun. And so they miss out.
While it’s true that I don’t have the “fun” so many claim to be having, I want to share right now, with tears in my eyes, that living for Jesus Christ TRUMPS any thing this life has to offer. Anyone who says surrender is too hard, too boring, too costly… has never known surrender the way He intended. For in His presence is fullness of joy, and at His right hand, there are pleasures forevermore! (Psalm 16:11)
He is worth any price you pay. YOU were worth the price He paid. And believe me, He gave up a lot more than you ever could. For Jesus left His home in Heaven, His comforts, His glory, and His Father- to come to a world that rejected, mocked, hated, and killed Him. For you.